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Growing together - South Wellness Wednesday

Trees are leafing out and the flowers are blooming, an always-welcome sign of happy times to come as we move into summer. We've been talking a lot about kids' mental health, and one concrete recommendation is: plant something. Whether you start a garden or bring home a potted plant from the grocery store, gardening is a great activity to start with your middle schooler.


It's exciting to watch something grow. The simple act of planting something--or setting it up just right in your home, yard, or space--gives an immediate sense of satisfaction in a job well done. As it takes root and blooms or grows, the reward will return week after week. For a young person, the ritual of watering a plant, checking it, weeding, can be a valuable experience of taking responsibility for something outside themselves. Watching that responsibility pay off can provide a strong sense of pride and confidence.
  • Plant a tree or a shrub and take a selfie in front of it together. At the end of the season, take another photo and compare them to see how much it has grown and changed!
  • Plant a small vegetable garden, and harvest the veggies to be included in a family meal.

Gardening is an art of imperfection. Not every seed will flourish; not every fruit will be perfectly round; not every hole will line up exactly with its neighbors. That's OK! In school, sports, etc. kids often stress about success: did they get the A? Did they make the shot? But, not everything needs to be perfect to succeed. Good enough is often just the right amount! If something goes a little wonky, it may end up looking great anyway as the plants grow and develop. And if it doesn't work out, you can always dig it up and try again. Low stakes experiences like this build comfort with the imperfections we will all encounter in life, and help to prove that it's not always worth stressing over.

Gardening is a mindful, refreshing activity. Getting outside in the fresh air and weather is a good thing at any age. A quiet, low-impact activity can be extremely soothing and helps pull a kid out of the intense schedule they often make for themselves. Waiting for something to grow is another way that gardening can foster this patience. You can't rush it and you can't control it; you just have to wait to see how it all pans out, and do your best to help it along the way.

Gardening is a great way to get your kid talking. Parenting coaches always tell you to have "heavy" conversations with your kids in the car because it removes the pressure of having to make eye contact. If you've both got your heads buried in branches & leaves and your hands in the dirt, you have all kinds of opportunity to chat about your kid's life without staring them down. With their body & mind occupied with the task at hand, a conversation can easily roll into some of the "big questions" or whatever topics are dwelling on them. What classes or activities are they loving right now? Is there a way to help them get to the next level--summer sports clinics, art classes, exploring something new? Relationships--who's having them, what does that look like, what kinds of things are they looking for in a friend or someone to date. What's going on in their friend group? Parents, guardians, and adult caregivers have the voice of experience many middle schoolers are craving as they try to navigate these big questions of emerging adulthood. Time in the garden is a great way to make yourself available and show that you're interested in them and what they're interested in. 

Don't bite off more than you can chew. You don't need to plant a Victory Garden or sign up for a full section at the Community Garden*; it's OK to plant a single window box and see how it goes. If they like it, plant more next year. Sometimes, one plant is more than enough! The single half hour spent pushing seeds into dirt together and deciding where to put it in the house will still be (a.) a potential memory they'll recall years from now, (b.) a subtle message about how much you enjoy spending time with them (these accumulate over time!), and (c.) a cute photo op!

If you're already an avid gardener, invite your kid to join in the hobby! Give them a corner of your garden to plant their own veggies, or bring them to the nursery and let them help you pick out the plants. If this is already a family hobby, it can still shift over time as your relationship adapts to their emerging independence. What do they really want to plant this year? Bring them into the conversation, and talk to them about how you pick what to plant, where you place it among the plots, why, what you most look forward to & find most rewarding.

Just one concrete idea, but there it is. Now, I've got to get home and water my plants!


* Community Gardens are a great place to get started if you don't want to tear up your lawn or don't have a great place to plant. It's also a great way to learn about gardening if you're new to the hobby. Ask your "neighbors" for tips & tricks!

** A common theme in my Wellness Wednesdays is forming connections with the elderly, as many of you may have noticed. Planting a pot of flowers with a grandparent would be a generous gift of time with your middle schooler. Going over to water a small flowerbed with their grandparents would be a great chance to form a routine and connect between generations. The same can be said for a trusted neighbor who may not have family nearby. Reach out.

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