There is a lot of discussion about "the kids these days" in our media and daily discussions. No matter your political leanings or whether you're generally an optimist or a pessimist, it seems the message is always bad. It's enough to make you really fearful of how the pandemic has affected this entire generation. Yet these rants & hand-wringing don't often ring true with what we're seeing in the hallways and classrooms here at South. Last month, I read a New York Times article examining the social and intellectual lives of teens after 2 years of pandemic living through a focus group that actually asked kids about their experiences and thoughts, and it opened up several ideas that I keep coming back to. (Click here to read the article directly.)
Some takeaways:
- Kids are very relieved with every opportunity to return to "normal." Bear in mind though, their lives are changing so quickly that their sense of normal is extremely limited by their life experience. I am excited to return to a more normal work life, but I have been working in middle schools for 2 decades; current middle school students were in elementary school the last time they had a full spring semester. So, if middle school in reality is a new experience for them, what feels normal about it? I think this sense of relief comes from the lessening of stress around the pandemic. Variants will come & go, case counts will spike & recede, but over time there is so much less uncertainty around how to deal with the pandemic. We have treatments we can take if we get sick, we have data about the relative safety of different activities, we have options to get vaccinated or wear masks or not. Adolescence is a crucial time for developing self-reliance, and one of the most jarring parts of the early pandemic was the loss of independence to learn, explore, and grow on their own: making cost/benefit analyses, taking risks, and making decisions for themselves. In the coming months and years, this is something we need to help our kids feel comfortable with, and help them access the tools to do so skillfully.
- Kids are super-stressed about the expectations that are placed on them.This is not new since the pandemic--it's the classic teenage angst--but it's something we can try to do better with.
- Sing the praises for the things they do well & love. Some kids don't do well academically, but they're social butterflies; for other kids, it's the opposite. These are their innate talents, and they're all things that will bring value to their family, friend, and work relationships as they grow up. Celebrate & support these things, to avoid inadvertently sending a message that they're "never good enough." Of course they should work hard on the things that don't come easily in order to improve and become more well-rounded, but don't neglect to name their successes along the way.
- Balance hard work with fun, exploring new hobbies & digging into their passions. Kids need to go to school, take standardized tests, get report cards... that's our system. But, they can also pursue unique talents and individual interests, and leave time to rest.
- The polarized social climate makes things hard. The kids in this focus group came back several times to how they feel comfortable with their friends and their family; they can share thoughts and speak openly without worrying. But they're anxious in public forums--classroom discussions, social media, mixed settings like the lunchroom--about saying the wrong thing. The difference is a willingness to listen to what someone is trying to say, instead of trying to score points by calling out everything they say. If I misspeak or maybe don't consider another viewpoint, a friend can point that out without making me feel like garbage, but in a mixed group I might worry about getting jumped on & feel like people are taking my words out of context. This is something we are working on at South, setting up classroom discussions where people can share more openly so it's safe to hear other people's experiences. It's a skill we hope kids will carry into young adulthood & future conversations: Assume Good Intentions.
- Kids don't believe everything they're told. Lost in the debate about "what should be taught in schools" a lot of the time is the fact that discussions are not the same as lecture. Unlike math problems, grammar lessons, or historical dates, a class discussion doesn't aim for everyone to believe one set of facts, but rather it's an opportunity for kids to hear from each other as well as their teachers, learn new ideas & perspectives, and make their own determination about what they agree with. A key element in that learning should be continuing the conversation at home and sharing your thoughts and experiences with your children, so they'll know where they've come from and what their family's journey represents.
It's probably an overused phrase at this point, but it's still a comfort to hear: the kids are alright.
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