With winter finally settling in and recess shifting indoors, we've noticed a change in the air around South. One less opportunity to vent their energy, and I find myself telling more kids to "slow down" in the hall--not to mention catching more epic spin kicks and random dance breaks in the hall! Downtime in the classrooms may mean fewer chances for kids to socialize with their best friends, so we're breaking up group "meet ups" in bathrooms and at lockers after the bell. You may be noticing more "naughty" behavior at home--a little more talking back, a shorter temper, some sullenness. How to deal with the winter doldrums?
First, realize that it's natural and you're not alone. You're not the only one whose kid may be bucking the rules and giving you a hard time. That provides some comfort, right? Well, let your kid know they're not alone, either. If you ask how their day was and get even less of a response than usual, it may help to share what a drag yourday was, and then to offer more structure with one conversation starter:"I felt so frustrated all day today! I need something to make me feel better; I need your help!!"
- Tell me one good thing that happened to you today.
- Who was the first friend you saw today? What was something good/funny/surprising that you talked about with them?
- What's something you learned today? Any class, one thing: what was new to you?
- What was your favorite part of today?
- What's one thing you enjoyed today?
Pro tip: Once you've made it clear you're not going to give up until you get an answer, you can relieve some pressure by opening up the question: "OK, OK, if you don't want to answer that, just tell me one thing about today, anything. Go!"
Try to reframe tomorrow with a positive spin: What's one thing you're looking forward to tomorrow?
Share your answer, too. If your kid really won't respond, share your own answer to break the ice. But, don't let them off the hook: if you share, then they owe you an answer, too!
Change the scenery. Make a plan to do something different. Go walk around the Plaza. Go out to a favorite restaurant, or grab fast food but sit at the store and eat to make more of an "event" out of it. Take a different route to drive wherever you're going and point out new sights along the way. If they usually pick the music, tell them it's your turn this time, or if you usually pick, give them a chance to play DJ. Go out for a walk around the neighborhood (in layers!) or a hike, and share a hot cocoa when you get home. Make a plan to go somewhere farther away on Friday night or over the weekend, somewhere you never go. Offer to take them and a friend out for a special event this weekend. Plan a night when you'll watch a movie--no cell phones--or play a board game. Bake brownies together, or involve them in cooking dinner. Anything to break out of the routine!
This may sound hokey, but after you've tried it a couple of times, you'll be surprised how much most kids look forward to it. All we hear about is how everyone's attention is pulled in 1,000 different directions these days. To your adolescent, your undivided attention can be "so cringe," but it will quickly become something really special to them. For some kids, an everyday chat would be awesome; for others, a couple times a week is more than enough. But, if this isn't your normal routine, try it a few times and see if a "checking in" habit starts to form. You might learn a lot!
Be well,
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